First off, Sak Noel's 'Loca People' is at Number 96. The interesting thing about that is that when they play it on the radio in Romania they don't censor the naughty word, presumably because English isn't their first language. Well, it's sort of interesting. (It's not, is it? :( )
The Walmart Timberlake to Shayne Ward's Primark version, Joe Jonas, is a new entry at Number 90 with 'Just In Love', which is probably of some importance to someone or something, and Leona is at Number 83 with... Oh hang on, it's Avicii again. Maybe one day.
Right. This isn't going very well. Here to save the day is Alex Velea, whose 'Whisper' is at Number 70. It's actually quite good: above average dance-pop, in 2011, that's far removed from the Guetta archetype of "We're going to have some booze drinks and pop some bottles and maybe leer at some models UNTIL 6AM!". Who'd have thought it. What's also quite good is the video, which is half based on Olly Murs' 'Please Don't Let Me Go' clip, and half on James Bond. He does a little dance routine with some gangsters' molls and everything. And sound the 'dubstep influence' siren - there's a few wub-wubs at the end.
Good news for 'setting back feminism by, oh, at least a thousand years' fans: Antonia is at Number 57 with 'Marionette', in which she sings: "I wanna be in your control, so unmerciful; you can twist me and turn me just don't let me go... I wanna be your puppet on a string; baby I'm not holding back we can do anything; and even if I'm crazy it's cause you make me this way; we're as close to love as we'll ever get; I wanna be your marionette". Blimey. In fact it's also great news for 'non-native English speakers failing to pronounce things correctly' aficionados, because when Antonia says it, it sounds a lot like 'may-un-ey'.
And in what is, depending on how you look at it, either an unexpected boon or crushing blow for pop for people who daren't like pop, Lykke Li has climbed 5 places to Number One. Lykke Li: Number One. That sounds rather odd. Well, unfortunately, while it will no doubt delight Ms Li, it also signals, as per Ye Olde Law Of Pitchfork, the end of her career. Oh well. Here is the rest of the Top 10.
10 (14) Andra - 'Telephone' V GOOD
9 (5) Dan Balan - 'Freedom' RATHER INVIGORATING
8 (7) Guess Who - 'Tot Mai Sus' feat Marius Moga JAUNTY
7 (8) Liviu Hodor - 'Sweet Love' feat Mona EASILY ONE OF THE BEST
6 (4) Lucky Man Project - 'Pumpin'' BORIN'
5 (9) Sean Paul - 'Got 2 Luv U' feat Alexis Jordan GOT 2 IMPROVE
4 (3) 'DJ Antoine' - 'Welcome To St. Tropez' feat Kalenna DETESTABLE
2 (1) Pitbull - 'Rain Over Me' feat Marc Anthony THIRTEEN OUT OF TEN
1 (6) Lykke Li - 'I Follow Rivers' (The Magician Remix) HAS PIANOS; GOOD
So Romania loves Lykke. After that revelation, there's nothing left to be said. Except...
- In an illuminating article on libertatea.ro, Alex Velea revealed that for him, "the most important thing in marriage is a friendship that goes hand in hand with sex. I consult with my wife in everything I do" and that "alcohol should be consumed in small quantities, but very good quality".
- Lykke Li has been busy inspiring The Kooks. So busy in fact, that she doesn't even own a TV. Seriously, there's indie nonsense and then there's just outright nonsense. How does she watch The X Factor?
- And Robbie Williams' Mate Johnny Wilkes needs to learn to spell. He can't hate her that much, surely?