This is Bulgaria:
These are currently the Top 10 singles in Bulgaria:
10 The Saturdays - Notorious
Well who'd've thunk it? The Saturdays are big in the Balkans. Bad news for Parade though :( .
9 Katy Perry - Last Friday Night (TGIF)
Forced 'fun' from caterwauling Katy, you know the drill. Not her worst or most offensive song, but the video, featuring our 26 year old heroine dressing up as a girl half her age, certainly makes up for any lack of the creepy faux-ingenuousness we've come to expect from her. Not only that, but the character she's playing is a stereotypical 'geek', which is fine, because when you've had the most cringeworthy of the recent glut of 'empowerment' videos, no-one was ever really going to believe you weren't laughing behind everyone's backs anyway. Well done Katy Perry.
8 Don Omar and Lucenzo - Danza Kuduro
Danza Kuduro is brilliant and God knows why it hasn't yet reached the UK charts - it's already been Number One in Austria, Italy, The Netherlands, Romania, Spain and lots of other places. If you haven't heard it then listen to it now; it's difficult to describe because there are no obvious reference points (at least not unless you know much about Kuduro and the music of Angola).
7 Katy B - Easy Please Me
It can only be assumed that singles sales in Bulgaria are very low, and that this, and The Saturdays' entry, have come as a result of about five Brits abroad downloading a copy in between 'beverages'.
6 Nicole Scherzinger - Right There
In which Nicole pretends to be from the Caribbean. It's not right, but it's okay.
5 Cee Lo Green - I Want You [Hold On To Love]
This is very good. It's a good job they changed it from the album version because that wasn't as good.
4 Miro ft Krisko and Nevena - Slagam Krai
Finally, some local music. It's Bulgarian hip-pop, and sounds like an amalgam of Major Lazer, Lil Jon, and various recent Balkan Eurovision entries that you've already forgotten. Miro does some singing, sounds a bit like Darius, and then the Bulgarian Pitbull comes in for a few bars. 'Job', as 'they' say, 'is a good'un'.
3 Grafa and Santra ft Spens - Tyalo V Tyalo
More hip-hop. And in the video, segways. Two segways, both ridden by the vocalists: a rapper and a Katy Perry lookalike. There are also some quite good dancers. And another Bulgarian Pitbull. This one actually looks like him too, so is probably the definitive one. It seems to be intended as a parody of something; just of what, exactly, isn't so clear. (Could also be completely earnest, in which case sorry for offending you, Bulgaria.) It's not bad, but as far as Bulgarian hip-hop goes it pails in comparison to 'Slagam Krai'.
2 Jennifer Lopez and Lil Wayne - I'm Into You
'Love controller' is a little more literal than 'disco stick', but not as good a metaphor as 'madness thing'.
1 Aksinia ft Boris Soltariiski and Ku-Ku Bandori - Ne Sme Svetci
Crikey. This is the worst thing in the Top 10. There's a man and a woman singing together to an acousticular backing, and neither are particularly tuneful. It seems to be a 'where did our love go' type affair - not the Supremes song, that's amazing, this is awful - and lots of sorrow and anguish are being drawn out through the lyrics. Presumably it's some kind of catharsis or therapy for them, and if this is what gets pain out of their system then so be it, even if they're effectively just spreading it. Regardless, Bulgarians are lapping it up. Perhaps there's a 'Winner Takes It All' style story behind it? That might explain its success. Either way it's terrible.