Sunday, 23 October 2011

Real Music: The People Speak (Their Branes)

Bad news everybody. It turns out that popstars aren't the only ones babbling on about Real Music.

But who exactly, other than the aforementioned popstars, is attempting to to do so, and without a hint of irony? Well, short of secretly recording strangers' conversations in the street (apparently you're not supposed to do that) the best way of finding out what The Public At Large are talking about is through Twitter. A Twitter search for "Real Music" will thus reveal just who is peddling the phrase and what they have to say about it. Well guess what? Most of them are idiots. Witness:

Can't get enough of @edsheeran No.5 Collaborations. Genuine songwriting, real musicSun Oct 23 14:32:17 via Mobile Web

The Ed Sheeran fan is probably the archetypal Real Music exponent. Their fandom is of a sort that has existed since the dawn of time. Ed not only bangs on about how Real he is, it's one of his core selling points. It kind of follows, then, that most of his fans seem to be pretty young, impressionable perhaps. Looking for validation. They might genuinely like the music and they might even fancy Ed but what's also very important is that it's Definitely Real - mainly because Ed says it is. Teenage girls up and down the UK are (presumably) currently lording it over their foolish One Direction-loving friends, much in the same way that 60 years ago they'd be sneering at people for listening to Chet Baker instead of Miles Davis. Or something. It's always happened and it always will. Only the smart ones grow out of it.

now onto some real music, The Stone Roses - The Stone Roses - ultimate..... oh cant wait till next year... loved those years of musicSun Oct 23 14:34:17 via Seesmic

The Stone Roses, in case you've forgotten, were the greatest band to ever have lived. Not only that, but they were Real; so Real in fact that the Realness of each individual member eventually became too much to be contained in the confines of the group, causing a cataclysmic split in October 1996. Last week, in a move to reassert the levels of their impenetrable Integrity, they reunited. This has clearly excited Brian McGuire, who'll presumably be at one of the lucrative comeback gigs that have been arranged for next year, and can't wait to bask in the visceral authenticity that will be on show.

Real music can connect with the universe at an emotional state no evil can penetrate.Sun Oct 23 13:09:29 via SocialOomph

No. No idea.

What happen to real music? Like the 90's music,That's when it was real!Sun Oct 23 12:42:10 via web


@foxyroxy08 Don't bother... Later with Jools was good if you sky+'d it - real musicSun Oct 23 12:28:48 via web

This tweet came in response to someone saying that X Factor wasn't very good this week. To be honest, it wasn't. But was Jools any better? He had on:

'Bon Iver' - 'Dung On Air' more like, right? Right.
Feist - She's no Kitty Brucknell.
Ben L'Oncle Soul - Quite good.
Lianne La Havas - Also quite good, in a New Boring kind of way.
Mastodon - What a racket.

So, categorically, X Factor was better than Jools. AS ALWAYS.

Aaw Harry is purrfect ? Aren't u directioners ADORABLE *sarcasm* get a life and listen to REAL music. JUSTIN IS MORE PERFECT @justinbieberSun Oct 23 12:14:34 via Twitter for iPhone

Well this is a new one. A Justin Bieber fan taking the Real Music high ground over One Direction fans.

And that last tweet just goes to show: Real Music isn't the sole property of Ed Sheeran and Stone Roses fans - it's just that of idiots. And this little exercise in bloggery only really serves to show just how many there are. If you're not constantly confronted by them then it can be easy to forget, but the world is well and truly full to the brim with buffoons. 'Food for thought' for you there.

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