Wednesday, 21 December 2011

"Working On New Material"

A Google search for the specific phrase "working on new material" pulls up 716,000 results. Non-scientific research suggests that about 97% of those results reference the careers of decidedly ropey popstars. 'This year I've just been working on new material', 'I've been busy working on new material', 'Et cetera'. In case you hadn't noticed, artists as diverse as Lloyd Daniels, Danyl Johnson and Michael Collings (?) have all been doing it in 2011 - in fact Lloyd and Danyl have been doing it since 2009. Some of this 'material' does come to fruition (who can forget Lloyd's 'Suburbian Girl', which took the bold step of inventing a brand new word to make the title lyric scan); most of it stays 'on the shelf' (in the respective artist's imagination).

Another act who's been beavering away at 'new material' for... A good 7 years now is former S Club Junior Calvin Goldspink.

That is what he looked like in 2004. However, he was only 15 at the time so AVERT YOUR GAZE. (Unless you're of a similar age, in which case carry on.) Anyway, he's 22 now so presumably he's ready to come back as the finely tuned male popstar that the UK has been lacking for quite some while. He's already got an amazing popstar name, should be good looking and should be able to use his S Clubness as a platform to attract the attention of both the public and some of the best people 'in the game'. Right?

No, not really. Well done all involved.

...But we can't let someone who ('presumably'...) made so many young people realise that they were gay let that be their only legacy.

WHAT SHOULD BE DONE: According to Wikipedia Calvin is currently signed to Polydor. Sounds like nonsense, but on the off chance that he is, this is what they should do with him:
  1. Get him to cover Leon Jean-Marie's 'Bring It On' or Neosupervital's 'Now That I've Found It' - no one will realise they're not originals
  2. Throw a load of cash at it
  3. Etc
And there we have it.

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